Daylight
by Bellafiamma
Summary: posttwilight fic from each characters point of view. An optimistic ending to cheer us up.
1. Gibbs

Title: Daylight

Rating: T

Disclaimers: Not making money off this, don't own em. If I did THINGS WOULD HAVE ENDED DIFFERENTLY.

Summary: I know there's a bajillion post-Twilight fics out there but I had to write one for my own piece of mind. I was way too obsessed with the show…. Obviously there are spoilers for Twilight. The end is not depressing but is hopefuly or what have you... so it's not all depressing. Please review :) I love reviews...they will be greatly appreciated.

Song is "Ghost" – Indigo Girls

Gibbs pov

_And I start to feel the fever_

_From the warm air through the screen_

_You come ragging through like seasons_

_Shadowing my dreams_

_And I guess that's how you started_

_Like a pinprick to my heart_

_At this point you rush right through me_

_And I start to drown_

_And there's not enough room in this world for my pain_

_Signals cross and love gets lost_

_And time past makes it plain_

_Of all my demon spirits I need you the most_

_I'm in love with your ghost_

Sure, he had been trained for death. He had seen it in the field as a marine. He had seen worse than death as a marine. And he had lost more friends beside him in the field than he wanted to remember. But sometimes, sometimes he felt that each death was a cut in his soul. And that just maybe the gaping hole being sawed away inside of him would one day kill him. He had felt this way for many years. It scared him, the feeling inside. Could one die from pain?

He had drunk so much coffee he could no longer sand his boat. His hands shook too much to even steady the sander. He later reflected on the matter and decided that holding in the pain and tears for three days was the true cause and he was just ignoring it. No. He hadn't cried in three days. But he was falling apart. Everyone knew it. He knew it. The director had ordered him two weeks mandatory leave. And the worst part about it was that he didn't care. The job that he loved, probably too much for his own good, suddenly it held more pain than pleasure. As he sat on the floor beneath his boat, clutching his hair with shaking hands, he realized maybe the job had never brought pleasure at all. Maybe it was just a workaholics dream to avoid the pain. Hell, even his boat didn't help anymore.

He gasped for air. He couldn't breath. His chest shuddered at the same time his soul did. And then a tear escaped. And another. And another.

He hadn't wanted to cry because he knew if he started he would never be able to stop.

The pain was clouding his mind to the point where he couldn't focus on a certain thought. They just skittered around his brain like pennies in an empty tin band aid box. The guilt – he should have known. He should have sensed something was off. He could have protected her somehow. The pain – oh God, he would give anything to take her place. She was so strong. She could handle this pain. He wasn't strong at all. He thought he was, but now he realized he was just as fragile as the rest of them. He felt lost. The team would expect him to be strong, to help them to regroup. _Force _them to regroup when they could not.

God. How could he move on from this? How was he supposed to shelve the pain that threatened to consume him?

Why hadn't the bullet taken him? Why. Why.

_We can't ask why. The whys and the what ifs will only consume us. We have to let go and move on._

He had heard that somewhere. And he knew it was true. He knew it was what Kate would have said.

And then Gibbs did something he hadn't done in a very long time. He prayed. He prayed to God to help him though he knew he didn't deserve it. Help from this overwhelming pain that was shattering his soul piece by gossamer piece. And yes, he prayed for the part of his soul that ached for death each night. But most of all he prayed for an end to the pain that he knew would otherwise haunt him for the rest of his life.

Everyone thought he was the strongest person. He wasn't. He was just a vulnerable as the rest of them. And he was falling apart faster than he knew how to stitch himself back up.


	2. Tony

Please review! I know reading all these post twilights fics can be depressing, but the end will be better, I promise.

_I'd do anything to have her to myself_

_Just to have her for myself_

_Now I don't know what to do_

_She is everything to me_

_The unrequited dream_

_The song that no one sings_

_The unattainable_

_She's a myth I have to believe in_

_All I need to make it real_

_Is one more reason_

_I don't know what to do_

He stood staring after Gibbs, who was pointing a gun and shouting something. He couldn't hear. He couldn't hear anything. Not even his heart beat.

He slowly, as if in slow motion, turned back to Kate. Someone was screaming. It wasn't a normal scream. It was a scream that only came from the soul, full of pain and torment and anguish. It was a scream that said someone had just lost something or someone they loved. Tony was at first annoyed and hoped the person would stop screaming. Then he felt sorry for the screamer. Because he felt the pain of the screamer.

It wasn't until Gibbs placed a hand on his shoulder that he realized the screaming was coming from him. He was on his knees with no recollection of falling on them. And he was clutching Kate's head, his hands a bloody mess, begging her eyes to open. This was a joke. He knew it was a joke. It was a joke. A joke. A joke. The mantra repeated through his head and took over for the screaming. His throat was hoarse and dry.

"Tony–" Gibbs spoke.

Tony didn't hear him. He placed his bloody hands on either side of her face. "Kate. Come on. Wake up. Kate. Come on. Please." Her dead lifeless eyes stared up at him and the glaring hole in the middle of her forehead told him she wasn't coming back. "Oh God….no…." his tortured voice spilled out. He wrapped his arms around Kate's still body and pulled her to his chest, rocking back and forth as the sobs came forth.

McGee rushed into the scene to find Tony in the same position, with Kate in his arms, and Gibbs watching over them, looking lost.

He sat in his apartment. All the lights were off.

"I can't make it without you, Kate. I can't. Please come back to me." He knew uttering the words would do nothing but make him feel more like a fool. And yet he said them. Before he went to bed, when he woke up in the morning, in the shower, while he was making coffee. Every thought was on bringing her back. Because for the first time in his life, Anthony Dinozzo was truly scared. Sure, he had been scared before… but not like this. A numbing sensation had invaded his body and voided all thought except thoughts of Kate. He was afraid of losing grip. Her death had affected him like nothing else had. But then, he realized, you always are more affected when someone you love dies. And yes, he had loved Kate. If he thought about it, the first time he knew was when he looked over in isolation and saw her in the bed next to him. She wasn't leaving him. Because she loved him too.

Tony wanted to scream like he had the moment after Kate had been shot. He wanted to scream at the man who had murdered her, at God for letting this happen, at himself for not somehow protecting her. He wanted to scream for the piece of his soul that had died with Kate.

_Be strong for me_.

He knew it's what Kate would have said.

But Tony Dinozzo would never be the same again. He knew it with some instinctive part of his being. She had took the part of his soul that had given him happiness. But he would try to be strong….for her.

"Goodbye, Kate. I love you," he whispered into the empty apartment, the only sound the gentle rain tapping on his window.


	3. Abby

This section deals with the topic of SI so if you have a problem with reading stories like that, skip this part.

And please review :) Live off the stuff.

Abby

_Crowded streets are cleared away one by one_

_Hollow heroes separate as they run_

_You're so cold, keep your hand in mind_

_Wise men wonder while strong men die_

_Show me how it ends it's all right_

_Show me how defenseless you really are_

_Satisfied and empty inside_

_You're so cold but you feel alive_

_Lay your hands on me one last time_

Abby held a pair of scissors in her hand.

She had been cutting out pictures. Of her, Kate, the team, random photographs she had in her apartment. She didn't have a method to her madness, she was simply pasting them on poster board in a haphazard fashion, pasting picture after picture on, not paying attention to how crooked or bent it was. It wasn't until her tears started to warp a newspaper article she had cut out that she stopped. She looked away. It was the article about Kate's death.

Abby held a pair of scissors in her hand.

No one had ever known her secret. Not at 11 years, when she had first done it. Not at 16 when she had almost taken things one slice too far. And not at 28 when she applied for the position at NCIS.

It wasn't until 33 that someone knew. And she had found someone who did not judge. Who did not criticize. Who merely nodded and said "yeah, life is painful. But you're stronger." And for two years she had not had one slip up.

"I can't do it without you, Kate," Abby sobbed. She had been able to call Kate whenever the urge came. Whenever. Kate told her if she needed someone to talk to at 3 a.m. and _didn't _call Kate, she would beat her. Abby had always laughed, but deep down she was more grateful than she had ever been in her life. No one had ever cared that much.

Abby opened the pair of scissors like she was about to cut another picture. Instead she ran her finger along the sharp edge. It was like a razor. She didn't even realize she was still crying until she felt tears on her outstretched arm. She placed the blade of the scissors along her arm, just soaking in the feeling of the sharp object against her skin. It had been so long. She was about to draw it towards her, when Kate's voice whispered in her head. It was something she had said long ago, when the urges were still so strong Abby didn't know how she could ever live without them. And for that she was ashamed. Kate had said,"Scars are stories, history written on the body. You're story is beautiful Abby. Don't be ashamed."

Abby set the pictures and scissors aside and clutched her head in her hands.


	4. Ducky

Ducky

_Bells and footfalls and soldiers and dolls  
Brothers and lovers she and I were  
Now she seems to be sand under his shoes  
There's nothing I can do  
Can't stop what's coming  
Can't stop what is on its way_

Ducky leaned over her body. Even in death he still calls her beautiful. But perhaps that is because of his profession. He usually sees the beauty in death that no one else does. He can't explain it. Or maybe he just won't. But how can one not be awed at the beauty of a life passing on? It would be cliché, he knows, but there is a better place. A place not here in a world of turmoil and sadness. Hell, even he wishes to escape it sometimes. The dead are the lucky ones. And they seem to know it, for after death they become beautiful.

How was it possible to think of someone as flesh and blood when they were as far from it as could be? How was it possible to think of someone as a child when they weren't? How was it possible to feel like a something inside you died along with someone else?

"Oh, Caitlin…" His whispered, staring down into her cold face. "You were like a daughter to me…"

He had seen death before, of course he had. But sometimes he felt as if each death was a warning, telling him he would break eventually. He had reached his breaking point.

He leaned over Kate and cried.


	5. McGee

Thanks for the reviews. Next part is the ending that will hopefully lift your spirits.

song is Creed "Wash Away Those Years"

_She came calling_

_One early morning_

_She showed her crown of thorns_

_She whispered softly_

_To tell a story_

_About how she had been wronged_

_Well I guess she closed her eyes_

_And just imagined everything's alright_

_But she could not hide her tears_

_'cause they were sent to wash away those years_

_they were sent to wash away those years_

"Tim, it's not your fault."

He still recalled her words after the death of Erin Kendall. They had calmed his soul more than anything else could. It didn't erase the guilt, he doubted anything ever could, but it was a statement that he wasn't alone. That the team didn't blame him. Those simple words showed that humans made mistakes. They were often in error. You weren't alone. You moved on. And it might not be the next day. It might not be the next week. But eventually, eventually you would be ok.

He didn't know if that applied now.

Kate's death had impacted the team far more than he could ever imagine. He knew, of course, Gibbs would seek vengeance. That Tony would miss the sparring with Kate. That Abby would lose a friend. But he hadn't been prepared for the fiery hate behind Gibb's eyes. The torture he only expressed in snapping at the team. He hadn't been prepared for the pain in Tony's eyes. A pain that seared Tim's soul. He had stopped looking Tony in the eye a week ago. He hadn't been prepared for Abby's sudden lack in enthusiasm. In life.

No. He hadn't been prepared at all.

He hadn't known her as well as the rest of the team. For some reason that made it seem he should be affected less. But he wasn't. He had loved her. Not like Tony had. And he knew Tony had. But he had loved her as a friend and a member of the team.

It was two a.m. McGee still sat at his desk, the only illumination coming from his desk lamp. He hadn't moved in over an hour from that spot.

No. He hadn't been prepared at all.


	6. Kate

_The angels cry tonight_

_As the rain washed that lonely place from their eyes_

_Softly as she said, our hearts will never get out alive_

_She made no sound_

_Then goodbye_

_She said love don't call on me again_

_I never wanna cry like this_

_Die like this_

_No more favors my old friend_

_I never wanna cry like this_

_Die like this_

It was overcast and raining. She knew Tony would be glad for it. It would disguise his tears. She knew Gibbs wouldn't cry. Not in front of the team and everyone else.

None of team members were using umbrellas. Ducky held one up but no one sought refuge under it. It was leaning back, only partially shielding the old doctor from the rain. None of them cared. They let the rain fall down on them freely.

Her family was there, black umbrellas firmly set in a canopy of defense.

The minister sang Amazing Grace in a rich, powerful voice that made even Gibbs shudder.

_Amazing Grace how sweet the sound_

_That saved a wretch like me_

_I once was lost, but now am found_

_Was blind, but now I see_

The sheer emotion radiating from these people made the minister's voice shake. He could sense the sadness in these people. But his job wasn't the dwell on the pain, the sadness, the never-ending turmoil of life. Because there was enough of that to dwell on. His job was to instead to allow yourself to _feel the pain_, experience the thoughts that this will never end, think that sometimes even death is too far off. You allow yourself to feel and think these things. And you would cry. And you would bleed. And your soul would choke and nearly drown in the sea of sorrow. But the sun would melt away the night with its fiery fingertips. It would dispel its inky arms of shadows with soft golden rays of peace. And the morning would rise, more glorious than any morning. For after a night of death, the morning of life is so much sweeter. It would be hushed. Quiet. Only the birds could be heard speaking of faith. And this was his job. To tell this story.

_  
Through many dangers, toils and snares...  
we have already come.  
T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...  
and Grace will lead us home._

The rain was still falling at a steady rhythm, tapping off the gravestones and grass blades with a soft _tink tink_. But the sun was shining forth. Not blazing and dazzling all eyes, it was hardly perceptible at first. But it was there.

Kate felt pain that she had never felt before when she saw Gibbs. He was crying. She had come to terms with death. Long before she ever even became a federal agent, she had come to terms with it. But suddenly now, when it was too late, she was unable to deal with death. It was ironic. Abby would laugh with her if it was under different circumstances. She looked at Abby. And the empty, cold eyes. There were tears that had been shed, Kate knew, but Abby face was dry now. Kate could only pray for Abby. She knew their friendship had shared things Abby had never shared with anyone else. And without Kate it would once again become a dark secret to lock away for years. _Oh Abby_, Kate thought. _You will learn to trust someone else with your secret. You will not be alone._ _You will not feel like this forever. I promise._

Gibbs took a deep breath through a throat tight from trying not to and looked up at the sky. He thought it was a refraction of light from his tears. But it was a slant of light. Not a stark yellow like a children's painting. It was the kind of yellow you find in mist. Barely there, but detectible if one looks hard enough.

He leaned his head forward and sobbed before lifting it to the sky again. _Oh Katie_, he thought. _You have no idea how I am going to miss you. How I am never going to forget you. How I am going to wake up every morning wanting to see your face. How I am going to fear going to sleep in case I see you on the concrete again, a bullet through your head and blood as your pillow._

_It will be ok._

He didn't know where the words came from, but he knew they came from Kate. It was what she would have said.

Kate smiled softly before walking away. Yes, they would all go on.

And Tony. She knew now he loved her as she loved him. She didn't know why she had never seen it glittering in his eyes before like unshed tears. And she didn't know why she had never told him how much he meant to her.

He would move on, too.

Kate watched them walk off. It _will _be ok, she asserted. Pain can last for a very long time. But eventually, in the midst of the darkness, spreads of a beam of daylight.

_Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,  
That saved a wretch like me...  
I once was lost but now am found,  
Was blind, but now, I see._


End file.
